Troll's Hole

A long time ago, I wrote the little ditty below, and thought of it as just a lark, something amusing. I kept is because I thought it was funny and hoped to use it for something in the future. It appears the future is here. Please enjoy.
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Welcome to the FUTURE! We are proud to introduce INTERACTIVE POULTRY!

This is just the thing you have been waiting for! Are you tired of having to deal with pet droppings, those regular feedings and feathers getting into everything? Try INTERACTIVE POULTRY!

INTERACTIVE POULTRY is the newest and most exciting innovation on the Internet. With INTERACTIVE POULTRY you can actually see, feel, and hear your favorite poultry from the comfort of your chair.

With our special INTERACTIVE POULTRY vest and special INTERACTIVE POULTRY home handset, your Internet connection can give you the feeling of owning your own poultry without the muss, fuss and room needed for poultry of your own. No smelly cages to clean and no complaints from neighbors, just the enjoyment of having your own poultry. Here’s how it works. The poultry that you choose (there are seven available, including turkey and duck) is fitted with a patented INTERACTIVE POULTRY vest. When you log into our INTERACTIVE POULTRY web site and use our protected INTERACTIVE POULTRY software with the new and improved INTERACTIVE POULTRY handset, the handset transmits your actions to the vest, and the vest transmits the selected poultry’s response back to the handset. IT’S JUST LIKE YOU ARE FEELING THE POULTRY, AND THE POULTRY IS FEELING YOU! IS THAT NOT EXCITING? YOU BET IT IS!

For just $59.95 per month and the purchase of our patented INTERACTIVE POULTRY hardware* you can become part of the technology revolution and experience pet ownership in your own home or at work. This is cutting edge technology that we are making available to you because we know that you are a person that is interested in and wants to become part of the future. This is your chance to take your place in history and become one of the first INTERACTIVE POULTRY subscribers in your area.

Imagine the look on your friends faces when you demonstrate INTERACTIVE POULTRY for the first time. You will be the envy of all your friends and enemies with this AMAZING device.

First time subscribers will receive, for a limited time only, this totally cool, “Ask me about INTERACTIVE POULTRY” T-shirt in your choice of sizes.**

COMING SOON!!! INTERACTIVE PUPPY AND INTERACTIVE PUSSY!!

* Purchase of INTERACTIVE POULTRY hardware is required before activation of your INTERACTIVE POULTRY account. The complete INTERACTIVE POULTRY hardware package including handset and poultry vest is just $1200.00 with FREE SHIPPING.
(please wait 4 to 6 weeks for delivery)

** Sizes available are S and M All other sizes require an additional charge.

Copyright 2005 by FlyByNite Industries (a subsidiary of Orangedot.com) (All rights reversed)
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Then this morning I find THIS……..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ex5vAvwLxc&feature=player_embedded

(Sorry ’bout the link. I tried to hyperlink it and got frustrated. Just cut ‘n’ paste, people.)

I have every intention of having my fortune teller’s license revoked.

News has become BIG business. There is a whole lotta money to be made in news if you are not printing it on paper. There are many TV networks devoted to feeding you the information that they think will get them more advertisers 24 hours a day,365 days a year. It takes quite a bit of money to have a successful TV channel.

We are all having smoke blown up our asses by the media. I am not thinking about one source, I am thinking about all of them. I think they have all become adulterated by the lure of BIG $$$.

News has become sensationalism. It is no longer necessarily about the 5 ‘w’s (Who, what, when, where, why, and how). It is no longer about keeping you informed on what may be important to your life. It is about making money, plain and simple.

We tend to forget this little thing while we are glued to our favorite form of gossip. They are in it for the money. The reporters are getting paid, the dispatchers want news that will attract attention, the producers want to attract more advertisers, the companies they work for want more money to pay investors, and the investors want more money from the money they put at risk.

In this election year, I have seen major news outlets hype points of view that are simply accusations or none of their business. This is not news, this is sensationalism. ‘News’ now makes a candidate’s personal life a public issue. Am I the only one that recalls a certain president that was confined to a wheelchair and the public generally did not know? Now everything about every public figure is open to scrutiny and comment, true or not.

I know that sometimes petty people make up things to use against other people just to create controversy, and then petty people use that controversy to their advantage. I have had it happen to me. I have seen it again and again in the news. When the accuser gets what they want, the controversy quietly slips away, unproven, undeniable, and unaddressed.

I wish I knew of a cure for this, but I don’t believe there is one. I know of no cure for pettiness and misdirection. I just have to keep reminding myself that the news that I am fixating on for my daily dose of dirty gossip is directed by money, not the peoples need to know.

In this very important presidential election year, I hope you all can as well.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious and socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter/summer solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect to the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice to not practice religious/secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful and personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year of 2012, but not without the due respect for the calendars or choice of other cultures who’s contributions to society have helped make this a great nation. Not to imply that this nation is greater than any other nation in the world. Also, this wish is made without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishees.

Don’t get me wrong about this. I love futons. I think they are the final word on what a mattress should be. They are simply a lot of cotton wrapped in a big cotton bag with some buttons also covered in cotton. What could be simpler or more comfortable? They are firm and squishy at the same time and hands down give me the best nights’ sleep I have ever had.

The frames, however, seem to have it in for me. For one thing, they bite. If you have ever had the pleasure of moving a futon frame from one room to another, then I feel certain that you have been bitten at least once by these clever beasts. They are one of the predators of the furniture world. They seem to love the taste of human flesh.

And when you fall asleep on one that is not folded out flat into sleeping position, you find upon waking that it is nearly impossible to get out of them. It is like having your own futon black hole, pulling you ever closer to the futon event horizon, left to forever circle in the inevitable grasp of futon gravity.

Yesterday, I thought it would be a good idea to sit on my newly freed futon and read a book. (By newly freed, I mean that I finally quit using it as a place to store clean laundry. In other words, it had become a flat place to put things that I did not want on the floor and finally I cleaned it.)

I began my adventure into reading by sitting upright, enjoying my futon’s comfort and squishy goodness. Reading a book had taken on a new meaning with my futon. Soon I found myself slipping into a semi reclined position, basking in comfort. Before I even knew what was happening, I was waking up, unable to move, trapped by my stealthy futon! Wallowing and rolling like a trapped beast did no good, but did result in some interesting video that my wife is threatening to send to some popular long running TV show.

Should I sue the manufacturer for not posting a warning that futons have a gravity abnormality? Should I contact some government agency and demand that they address this safety issue? Should I collect like minded individuals and take over some park somewhere in protest? Perhaps I should destroy my frame in some dramatic fashion, recording the event and getting my protest on the local news? Will the government agency that is reputed to protect me from dishonest manufacturers get involved and force resolution to this problem?

Fuck it. That seems like a lot of work. I think I will just not fall asleep with the damn thing in sitting position any more.

Problem solved.

Temperatures are dropping faster than the stock market and we have seen something that some had almost forgotten existed; rain. It is not enough to get us out of this drought we are in, but it is better than what we have been getting. I think this is the most rain we have had since December of 2010. There are actually snow warnings for some higher elevations.

People are complaining about the rain, of course. This is the season of massive tourist influx and those tourist dollars should not be wasted on rain suits and umbrellas that no one has to sell. Those dollars should be spent on balloon shaped knick-knacks and local food.

I am surprised that some local restaurateur has not come up with a seasonal balloon shaped item to turn into a food challenge. Think of a five pound balloon shaped enchilada with beans and rice. If you can eat it all you get your picture on the wall. If you fail, then you have to pay full (inflated) price and clean up after yourself.

I have to admit that the balloon fiesta has become my favorite event to avoid. This is the distracted driving Olympics. Even the parking lot is infested with people looking at the sky and not on where they should be going. I know that things are better planned now than there were back in the day, but I still would rather be nowhere near the grounds at this time of year.

Besides the annual tourist mob scene and driving side show, I do enjoy autumn. The relentless sun is less inclined to burn your skin off within seconds of going outdoors, and the smells of this time of year are unique. There is nothing like the smell of roasting green chili to tell your brain it is time to think about long pants and covering the swamp cooler.

On that note, I think I will go outside and enjoy listening to people scurry about while half asleep trying to get their friends and relatives go to the fiesta before checking the news to see if the weather is going to let them do anything at all.

We seem to live in an age where everyone is looking for a reason to be offended. Offense has become the passive-aggressive way to get what you want.

I was recently chatting online with a friend who shared a little tale with me that I found rather enlightening;

Her daughter is in one of those somewhat ruthless dance classes that have been showcased on cable TV in the past few years. These types of classes seem to believe that a female preteen will learn to become a better person by being exposed to overly competitive adults each trying to dictate what they think is best for everyone else.

The tale says that the instructor wanted to have a class on Wednesday evenings as additional practice for an important upcoming competition. Some of the parents claimed that it interfered with their right to worship, acted offended, made a fuss, got their own way over the good of the entire class, and later bragged that now they had Wednesday nights free, since they were not going to worship.

This tale reminded me of a time not that long ago when I made a casual remark about how I liked working with all the ‘little white people’ when I worked in Idaho. Soon I was accused of ‘creating racial tensions’, even though I said nothing negative about anyone.

In both cases the offended were looking for reasons to be offended in order to get something. There was no reason to be offended, really. In the case of the dance Moms, they could have quite easily told the truth about what they wanted and campaigned for popular opinion about the Wednesday meetings. Instead they pretended offense and an infringement of ‘rights’. They hid their intent behind political correctness. The same thing with my co-workers; they had no reason to be offended about anything since my remarks could not have been in any way directed at them. They were both using political correctness to forward their own agenda.

We, as a society, have come to hide our intent behind passive-aggressive behavior. In politics, we no longer discuss a politician’s policy, we attack him personally. To me, this seemed like it got particularly bad during the Bush administration, with the left making personal attacks about the commander in chief and even accusing him of using a hurricane to kill innocents. When did it become acceptable to take a phrase out of context and turn it into a political platform?

Have we become a nation in denial, excuse makers, unwilling to confess to our self interest? Is this just another way to get other people to do as WE think they should? Frankly, I just don’t get it. We preclude honest discussion by hiding behind ‘offense’ and ‘political correctness’.

At every turn it seems someone is ‘offended’ at something, and the louder they yell, the more they are heard. They do not have to have any basis in fact, just an opinion. I learned in my first marriage that there is no resolution to an argument founded on emotion. I believe that being offended is an emotional response to not getting your own way. People are acting like spoiled children, using their ‘rights’ to infringe on the rights of others.

From this day forward, I intend to treat the idea of offense as I think we all should, ignore it. Perhaps a response could be constructed.

“Thank you for sharing your opinion. Frankly, your opinion is a personal matter and it is your responsibility. I see no reason to change my view point or comments based on your offense. If you have a comment based on reason and not emotion, I would be happy to discuss this with you. If not, then please understand why I choose to ignoring you.”

Pretty damn good bet that I am not going to make any new friends with that line.

I know that everybody has an opinion about how to solve the financial crisis. Here is my view how to create a financial crisis and keep it going.

Push through new laws that nationalize 16% of the GDP.

The health care industry is about 16% of the GDP, and “Obamacare”, in effect, nationalizes medicine. Can you point out to me ANY government agency that has ever lowered the cost of what they control? This legislation has created huge uncertainty in the private sector about their cost of healthcare, and companies are unwilling to spend money until they have some idea what these costs actually are.

Create a climate where energy prices keep increasing.

Restricting domestic drilling in these times has caused all fuel to go up, which causes almost every other product to go up. New environmental laws are making ALL energy to go up. Cheap energy is necessary to economic growth, yet leaders are making it more expensive. Spending money on alternative energy is good in the long run, but we are in trouble TODAY.

Keep telling everyone that all the problems are somebody else’s fault, pointing the finger, and playing politics while doing nothing to actually solve the problem.

The rest of the world has made it clear that partisan politics has ruined confidence in our nation. Lowering our country’s credit rating is the world slapping us in the face and trying to get our attention. All the while, we are continuing to do the same things that got us into this position in the first place, trying to pretend that this situation is not really a crisis, and trying to place the blame on others.

Keep selling us on ‘Hope and Change’

Being charming is one thing, but still trying to sell us this tired old slogan is just making people angry. There is damn little hope in this country right now, and all the change I have seen seems to not be for the better. I think it is time our president grew a pair and tried to lead us out of this crisis instead of continuing his campaign for reelection. Mr. President, our country needs you more than your party needs you. Will you please stand up?

Make Government bigger.

I think that sums things up nicely. The uncontrolled growth of government is weakening the bedrock ideals on which this nation is based. Free enterprise and government control of enterprise are conflicting interests.

It is time for us to create a common goal; let’s solve our problems! Quit digging this country onto a deeper hole. Maybe is time to slap some of those congresscritters and make them realize that they DO have the power to get this once great nation back on its feet.

A leader pulls his people together for a common goal. If he cannot do that, then we need another leader. Maybe we need to look a bit more closely and decide we need a LOT of new leaders.

I don’t like talking about politics very much, but watching the things that have happened under the current administration has convinced me that this country is on the edge of collapse. Pointing the finger is not doing anything to fix things. It is time to make some tough decisions and get things rolling again. Let’s make the first step by not doing the stupidest things you could do.

Now back to out regularly scheduled snarking…….

I have always felt that it is just too damn hot here in New Mexico. I am more of a cold weather kinda guy and feel it is easier to dress warmly than to try to keep cool when it is over one hundred degrees. I used to say that my ancestors invented alcohol as blood antifreeze until I realized people have become just too damn sensitive about ancestry and country of origin. (What the hell is up with that, anyway? It is MY origin, yet I am not allowed to make jokes about it?)

Now it seems like the whole state is on fire. There are many forest fires going on right now, and the drought is considered extreme. More wildfires are expected. The largest wildfire in state history is done threatening Los Alamos, but still out of control in other areas. Small fires are breaking out every day while firefighters are standing by to stomp them out as quickly as possible before they turn into BIG fires.

I have been fascinated by the fire near Los Alamos. The way people have gotten themselves worked up over radiation releases that failed to happen has been entertaining. The fire never really entered Los Alamos or the labs. There were some spot fires, but nothing of any real significance, yet the ‘whistle blowers’ have been watching intently for any sign that they might have some new ‘dire emergency’ to prattle on about while telling us about the dangers of the nuclear industry.

Those who keep statistics on such things say there has been no significant precipitation in well over 200 days. Where we should have over 3 inches of rain for this year, we have less than .2 of one inch. Frankly, 3 inches is not much at all if you live where green things grow.

Now that there are large areas where all living things have been burned off, if it does by any chance rain, they expect flooding and are sandbagging already.

If it ain’t one thing these days, it’s another.

If I had my druthers, I would move outta this small, friendly slice of hell to a place where it rains and green things grow on their own without artificial irrigation.

But I don’t get my druthers.

I have always believed that life is filled with good times and bad times. I seem presently to be living in some of the bad times. The last two years of my life have been filled with troubles, and the past two months seem to be trying my patience to the point where friends are waiting to see if I buy a high powered rifle and start looking for a high place with a good view of crowds.

Some self styled socialist seems to believe that the truck that I have been making payments on for years should be his. Twice in the past sixty days he has broken into it and destroyed parts of it while failing to steal it. The insurance people have been very cool about things, but insurance does not make me feel good about my fellow man or his intelligence.

The night after I got the truck back from the repair shop the second time, this self styled socialist broke into the lovely Mrs. Troll’s truck and stole items inside, including blank checks.

That is three auto theft/burglary incidents in the last two months, two of those in the same week. Gimmie a break!

The police are obviously not terribly concerned. They say all the right things and go through the motions, but hint that this is such a common crime that nothing will come of it. One officer told me that there are about 200 similar calls in the metro area each DAY. That is about 73000 calls a year. If I were to pull a number out of my ass and say that each incident cost the car owner or insurance company $1000, that means that $73,000,000 is being given up for auto crime in the metro area each year. That is not chump change, my friend, but the police are treating this as an everyday crime and not important enough to pursue.

The thought strikes me that when the police are overwhelmed by the crime rate, something may be wrong with our government. I thought that part of the money I contribute each year in taxes was supposed to go toward law enforcement and public safety. I assure you that I pay plenty in taxes, between income, state, food, alcohol, fuel, property, gross receipts and other taxes that slip my mind at the moment. There are a LOT of people in this city that are paying taxes like I am, and I wonder if they are as happy as I am with what they are actually getting for their tax dollar.

I am particularly disappointed that while the majority of society seems to be trying to prevent this kind of thing from happening, the bad guys seem to be winning. Criminals are obviously getting away with it if they are still doing it. Property crime is not a crime of passion; this is the kind of thing that comes from practice and an availability of others willing to buy stolen goods. This is obviously an industry. There is obviously someone making money from stolen goods.

There used to be a time where you might be killed for being caught attempting to steal a man’s horse, breaking into his home, or taking away his goods. Now, even if the ‘perp’ is caught, he is quite likely to get a slap on the wrist, probation, and an opportunity to go to jail for a short while where he can learn the tricks of the trade before getting out and putting the things he has just learned to use in taking things from others.

Maybe, after getting caught four or five times, he may get sentenced to a longer time in jail where he is fed, exercised, and watered like a family pet. While incarcerated, he is in the perfect place to learn how to get away with even more criminal behavior. One of the problems with putting people in jail is that you are providing a finishing school for criminals at the taxpayer’s expense.

Crime is out of control in many places in this country. The police are no longer able to protect the common citizen from criminals. The police are outnumbered, the courts are overwhelmed, and the jails/prisons are overcrowded.

In my opinion, we are well and truly fucked.

I have been troubled by the fact that I have not been posting here like I used to. I remember looking forward to what my latest posting might be. Was it going to be an insightful rant about the state of the human condition or perhaps a witty commentary about the intellectually gifted people that I work with? Now I can barely get up enough ire to do less than a post a month. What the hell happened?

I figured it out. Part of me just gave up. It finally sunk in that I am helpless to change anything.

This is not a good feeling.

My work environment has deteriorated to the point that it feels like I am working with circus performers. Politics has taken control where pride and integrity used to rule day to day operations. My fellow workers have all adopted the same attitude of ‘what one can’t cure, one must endure’. Where we used to take pride in what it is we do, we now spend the days looking forward to the end, be it the end of the week, the end of the day, or just the end of this agony.

It had been made clear that my comments and input are no longer welcome. Some of this project’s leaders are forced to tolerate me because the team that I have accumulated can get the job done in a timely manner, but have made it clear that they would rather have me someplace else. Rotting in the depths of hell has been one suggestion.

I am not good at politics. To me, politics used to be about discussion and compromise. Now, politics is just a way to lie to people and force your ideas down their throat against their will. Politics has no place for people who actively look for truth or honesty.

So now I seem to be working in an environment that has become directly contrary to the beliefs that my company was so proud of less than two years ago. I don’t know if this change was caused by the recession or some other reasons, but I do know that the corporate culture as I see it has changed dramatically in the last two years.

Now my challenge that I have finally gotten to the root of the problem is to get outta my funk and get something going on. This bullshit of being depressed is for the birds.

For one, it is depressing!